Live to Fight Again
by Battypichugirl2
Summary: Losing a battle isn't the end of the world.


**A/N: I am not dead, I swear! xDD My god, life has been so hectic lately, I've barely had any time to write. But I graduate from high school (finally!) on Mondayyyy~! Woot! And then on Tuesday I'm flying out to New York to visit a college and hopefully make a decision about where I'm going. xDD But then it's summerrrr. And hopefully, I'll get the muse to get back on my chapter fics during that time. Right now, none of them are dead other than the ones I've specifically mentioned that I'm not going to update or might not if I don't see interest. The Bonds Between Them and Ed-igami will be my top priorities in updating, then. :3 Though my muse is insane and unpredictable most of the time, so there are probably gonna be lots of random drabbles and oneshots in between. Thanks for being patient with me, my lovely readers!  
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**Like this one. xD Umm, so, this is based on that scene in the Soul Society arc where Kenpachi visits Ikkaku at the fourth division medical center after being defeated by Ichigo, and I put my own little spin on it. I honestly think Ikkaku's a bit ooc in this, but...oh well. ^^; Oh, and slight spoilers for Ikkaku's backstory with Kenpachi. I hope this meets your expectations, Taisa! xDD **

When that Kurotsuchi had come into his room to interrogate him about the ryoka he'd faced, it had been fairly easy to feign ignorance about the matter. He wasn't going to give the other captain anything like a head-start in finding the one that had defeated him. If he was going to say anything to anyone, it would have been to Zaraki, his own captain. To Kenpachi Zaraki, the powerful, bloodthirsty captain of his squad eleven, who was always looking for new and stronger opponents. Opponents like this "Ichigo Kurosaki," and had he been the one to come to his room here in the fourth division medical center, he surely would have imparted the information as to where said ryoka was headed without a moment's hesitation.

Only…he hadn't expected that Zaraki would actually _come._ He knew that Zaraki wasn't exactly a sentimental captain. If he had heard about his subordinate's defeat and injuries, he wouldn't have come to check up on him; his captain had better things to do than fawn and worry over an injured comrade as someone like Ukitake might. He had survived, which meant he was as good as perfectly healthy. Zaraki would have nothing but contempt for someone who survived a battle only to die in recovery, after all. Ikkaku knew these things about his captain and respected them. And in all honesty, he wasn't even sure he _wanted_ Zaraki to be there.

Because, in truth…Ikkaku was embarrassed. He was embarrassed and ashamed at having not only been defeated, but _left alive_ by his opponent. The only reason he was lying here in this hospital bed at the moment was because that Ichigo had stayed behind after finishing the battle to seal up his wounds with the ointment _he_ had stored in the hilt of his own zanpakutou.

And he wasn't supposed to have done that, dammit! If he didn't _win_ his battles, he was supposed to die, honorably, in battle under Captain Zaraki's command, like he had always imagined he would. He wasn't supposed to lose to some punk-ass brat hundreds of years younger than him and then be left _alive._ That bastard was supposed to finish his victory. He knew Zaraki had told him, all those years ago, that if he lost a battle and survived, it meant he was lucky…that he could live to fight the bastard that left him alive again another day…but…he just didn't know how he could face Zaraki again after allowing himself—allowing the _eleventh division_—to be humiliated like this.

He had turned his face away from Kurotsuchi, but when he heard his own captain's voice, he wasn't sure whether turn and greet his captain, like he knew he probably ought to, or simply remain in his position and take whatever verbal flaying Zaraki had in store for him.

"It's good of you to come, Captain…" he said quietly as he attempted to sit up. Jolts of pain shot up his wounded torso like lightning, and he misjudged his exact position as he tried to lie down, slipping off the makeshift cot (so many had been injured that the fourth division just didn't have enough beds for all of them) and landing unceremoniously on the floor with a groan.

"We actually ended up here cause Kenny got lost again, but you sure do look pretty banged up, Baldy!" chirped a voice that was far too high-pitched and cheerful to possibly belong to Kenpachi, and sure enough, the little pink head appeared over the shoulder of the much larger captain within seconds of her proclamation.

"I told you not to call me that…" he mumbled irritably, even though he knew it was of no avail. Honestly though, he was too relieved that Kenpachi hadn't known about his defeat to be truly insulted by the nickname or the fact that they hadn't actually come to see him.

"Mr. Baldy, then?" she offered cheerfully, "Or Mr. _Shiny_ Baldy?" She paused briefly in her efforts to find a nickname that would be "acceptable" to Ikkaku to take note of Zaraki's expression. There was a look of consternation—mixed with just a tiny bit of compassion—in the eleventh division captain's eyes that the lieutenant didn't know quite how to place. "Kenny sure has been quiet—is he okay?"

Zaraki didn't answer her, a scowl forming on his face as he stepped towards his third seat. The man had curled his body slightly inward, and appeared to be struggling very hard not to vocalize any sign of the pain that was currently violently coursing through his body. But that wasn't what bothered Zaraki; everybody had their damn pride, and he could understand Madarame wanting to preserve at least that much dignity, but…what troubled him was the look in his third seat's eyes. There was no trace of that belligerence and fire Ikkaku had shown that time they had fought, when he had struggled to get back up while yelling at him to finish the battle…Ikkaku had better not have lost his fighting spirit over a single lost match with a ryoka.

Ikkaku felt himself being lifted up and his cheeks burned with the humiliation of having to have his _captain_ help him back to his bed because he was too weak to get up by himself. Zaraki's scowl only deepened as he saw his third seat mumble an apology and stare up at the ceiling dejectedly as if he'd just lost his best friend or something.

_Thwack._

Ikkaku's eyes widened in shock as Zaraki's fist suddenly connected with his left cheek, and for a few seconds, he simply lay there, face now turned to the right from the impact of his captain's blow.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!"

It took Ikkaku a few seconds to shake off his temporary paralysis and answer. "What…what do you mean…Captain?"

"Don't give me that bull—why in the hell are you lying around feeling sorry for yourself and looking like you've lost the will to fight?"

The third-seat's eyes widened again. "What?! N-no! Y-you…you know that isn't true! It's just…"

"Just what?" his captain spat as Ikkaku began to trail off.

"I…lost…" he began brokenly, _"And he left me alive._ The bastard didn't kill me." Ikkaku gritted his teeth, hating to admit that he had failed his captain and hating having to say it to _him_.

He didn't get much time to delve deeper into his self-pity—the words were barely out of his mouth when he found himself suddenly yanked roughly up by the collar of the hospital gown the fourth division had given him to wear over his bandages.

He didn't have the energy to struggle, but before he could yell at Zaraki to put him down, the larger man spoke again.

"Who in the hell are you?" he barked at his subordinate.

"The hell does that mean? It's Ikkaku, who the hell else would I be?!"

"Liar." The silence in the air as Zaraki gripped the fabric of the gown more tightly was almost palpable.

"You're a liar. I dunno who you are, but you _ain't_ Ikkaku. Not the one I know, anyway."

"Captain!" he exclaimed exasperatedly, unable to understand what Zaraki was trying to get at.

"The Ikkaku I know understands that if he loses a battle and survives, it means he's _damn lucky_, because he can get stronger, and then kick the ass of the bastard who didn't kill 'im next time they meet."

Ikkaku averted his eyes to the ground, knowing his captain was right, but still unable to push away the feelings of shame and doubt.

"So what if you lost? All that means is that you need to get stronger so you can win next time. And because you're still alive, you can do that."

"But…"

"Stop lying around feeling sorry for yourself!" Zaraki barked, and then continued in a slightly quieter voice, though his words remained just as harsh. "Isn't that what you joined the eleventh division for? So you could get stronger and someday hope to defeat me in battle?"

At that, Ikkaku's eyes widened for the third time that afternoon and shot back to stare into Zaraki's. That was right…he'd forgotten about that for a moment. His ultimate goal in joining the eleventh division of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads had been to fight under Zaraki's command. Fight, and get stronger so he could _defeat_ Kenpachi Zaraki, unless he died first. The fact that he was still alive meant he had another chance to fight his captain someday.

"If you get that disheartened after a loss, you have no hope of ever defeating me. And, for that matter, you have no business being in my division." And with that he simply dropped Ikkaku and turned around, starting to walk away from the room.

For a few moments the only sounds in the room were of Zaraki's footsteps.

"…Wait."

Zaraki stopped, but didn't turn around.

"He's headed to the Repentance Cell…you're gonna have fun."

A smirk that Ikkaku couldn't see played upon Zaraki's lips. And then he turned about halfway so Ikkaku could see his unpatched eye, which was now flickering with excitement. "There he is."

"I've already told him…to watch out for you—that you'd want to fight him if you two crossed paths."

Zaraki was practically grinning ear to ear now in anticipation of the fight. "Excellent. And his name?"

"Ichigo Kurosaki."

"Heheheh…so, the Repentance Cell, eh?"

"Yay! Kenny's gonna get to have some fun!" The cheerful chirp of the eleventh division lieutenant whose presence the other two men had forgotten about for the moment sounded, followed by some overexuberant clapping.

Ikkaku could only chuckle and give a tired grin at Yachiru's enthusiasm at first, thinking to himself how much she was like Kenpachi already and wondering what she would be like as she got older. It would have been a frightening thought for anyone not in the eleventh division.

But then a devious thought crossed Ikkaku's mind, and he smirked.

"Hey…Lieutenant Kusajishi," he began carefully, "I think Captain said something earlier about having some of that stretchy candy you like—taffy, I think it was?—in his office for you."

"_Reaaaalllyyyy?!_ You're the best, Kenny!" And then she was gone, having bounced off his shoulder and dashed out of the room before Kenpachi had the chance to process what had just happened to him.

He groaned, knowing his office was going to be in shambles when he got back, and he would have to deal with a very irate Yachiru who would of course find none of the promised stretchy candy in his office. Even so, he couldn't bring himself to really be angry at his subordinate.

"And that was for punching me, Captain," Ikkaku said with a chuckle.

Zaraki could only give the now-triumphant-looking third-seat a defeated grin and say, "Welcome back, Ikkaku."


End file.
